10th Month, 1st Day, 547

Irreverently Published by Rose & Thorn Press "News so fresh, it pre-dates the printing press!"

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Badger Fetish all the Rage       Parasonnea -- Badger mania is sweeping across the planet. Badgers are said to be the hot gift for kids for the upcoming Holy Day of Aurora.       Local pet shop owners had glowing things to say about the popular pets. "They're wonderful, cuddly, and malevolent creatures," proclaimed Rodney Tootlefinker, owner of Rodney's Pet Shop and Fresh Sliced Meats. "What makes you think I work in a pet store?," said uncooperative pet store owner Gourrey Gavbriev.       But not all are thrilled with the badger's current popularity. "I have some questions about people's true intentions with these badgers," said Larry Stickembottom, a Cleric of Uminati. "When a person looks at a badger's glossy coat and gaping maw they start thinking ungodly and perverse thoughts. I sure know I do." - Advertisement -

Riot Occurs at Rage Mage Anger Management Class       Treva, Southlands -- Pandemonium ensued at the weekly Rage Mage Anger Management Class held in Northern Treva yesterday. Things were going very well at the meeting at first. Four month member Murry Ankleschlonker the Barbarian had just read a short prose he had written that expressed his feelings. "I called the piece I Like to Blow $H|% Up. It was a very special to me," he said.       Unfortunantly, a triceratops had snuck in from the Sensitivity Training Seminar next door. At the end of Larry's reading of the prose, the triceratops blurted out a harsh criticism. "That was terrible! I bet you had to spend skill points just to become literate!," the beast exclaimed.       At press time, the resulting death toll had reached 3,147. Area of Nuclear Fallout

Vandemax Castle Destroyed in Mysterious Nuclear Accident Radioactive Fallout Pours Down on Mothergreen       Mothergreen, Southlands -- A bizzare nuclear blast believed to have eminated from deep beneath Vandemax Castle laid waste to most of the country late Thursday night. Castle Custodian Jimmy-Ray Boogerhunter was out for a late-night stroll across the palace grounds when he was incinerated. He was unavailable for comment.       Radioactive fallout caused instant mutations all across the kingdom. "I got up this morning to milk the cow, and it had mutated into a digester," said farmer Bernie Gerbilstomper. "It took three hours of milking just to get one pint of milk out of that thing." Other strange mutations included attractive gnomes and four-armed athachs.       "It must have been those necromancer assassins from Gellian," eyewitness Lefty Lurfherder declared. "They've been up to no good ever since Magraravich brought them here from the other world!"       In a press dispatch from hell, Magraravich catagorically denied any involvement with the disaster. "Look, I'm a big powerful guy. I've got better things to do than nuke an insignifigant nation," Magraravich explained while he feasted on the flesh of the damned.

	IN OTHER SECTIONS
Weather: Cloudy, with a 10% chance of druids casting Control Weather Tonight's TV: Cooking with Korgash	Extra: Residences of the Rich And Famous profiles Eric Noah, king of wizard tower decor with his Torrasque themed living room.	Sports: Nif Gud commissions world's largest marble. Disqualified from Marbleshooting tournament when judge points out that marble is larger than shooting circle.

Twin Worlds Times is a satirical newspaper written by Neobolts. Twin Worlds Times uses invented names in all its stories, except Eric Noah and in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Futhermore, if your last name is Ankleschlonker, you have our sympathy. Rose & Thorn Press is a ficticious entity. twinworlds3e@japan.com

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